FYI, Jef.

Beb, read on. :)

YES to that!

So, that has become my mantra for the past couple of weeks. Ugh. I feel totally drained. Emotionally and physically drained. Maybe it really takes a lot of me when I worry too much when there's really supposed to be worried about. Ugh. Yes, that's for the second time. And a lot more of that as this entry comes to a wrap.

The hunt is quite taking its toll on me. It's weird because every time I am so near it, I feel some throbbing somethings. Ugh. Maybe the possibility of separation anxiety. I could not believe it's sinking in this early. Actually ang OA a, for me to feel this way e wala pa nga.

Why does it happen that at some point, I want to back up. Could be that I am half-hearted of the hunt. Uhm, I'd like to think it's normal lang naman to be feeling this way. It's some kind of uncanny feeling. Excited but of course malungkot din because you know, the people I will be leaving behind. Huh. Syempre, the relationships I have already built, it kinda stuck to me na. Yep, could be separation anxiety.

I am in constant prayers, still thinking things over. Weighing the odds and benefits of this possible undertaking.Man, this is hard a. Not that I thought it was easier. But I never thought of it being this excruciating!

I would still like to believe that the best is yet to come.

***fingers crossed.***

My thing for Damon.

So what does this say about me when my heart goes out to the underdog? I was routing for Jacob too. And now, heart melting for Damon Salvatore. Darn you Elena, he found you FIRST before Stefan did.

Zachary's Weekend Photo Op

Zachary's 'Malunggay' shot.

Reggae-ish on his 8th month.

Why sooo cute?

Me and my sun beam Zachary.

One for the Moms

If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay. - Larisa Olynik

I was sheepishly smiling when I read this. So fits.

Mama and I, we were never close. Like close, close. Maybe because we're so much a like, we kept out staging each other. But that does not make me love her less.

I can still vividly picture my nursery afternoons from school. After merienda, she would prop me up for our tutorial sessions, grueling tutorial sessions at that! Haha! We would do our flash cards drill until I get everything right. Well, must be the reason I bagged Best in Math. :) A spelling drill that would often bring me to tears because I kept on missing out on the word handkerchief. Sniff, sniff. Hahaha. But, but, thank you Papa, you named me Kate, short cute name, wasn't so hard for me to write back to back on my pad paper jotting my name on it.

She was like that. She wanted everything prim and proper, neat and clean. She was that type. Very, very, OC particular.

Mama when she small. :)

I remember, she would make room for advance reading sessions when I was in grade school. She would make me read the next chapter of our current lessons. And make me practice answer the comprehension check in our reading subject. She wanted me to read aloud with proper diction. She would make me repeat when the intonation of my reading seemed off the hook. On weekends, she would hand me Reader's Digest for me to read. The next thing I knew, they kept away all the other books because of my optic migraine. Hmp.

She would cut my nails and clean my ears every other day. She would put me in my uniform and comb my hair. Some other time she would jazz me up with a perky head band. Get me to my newly polished doll shoes and ready for school equipped. She would send me pancakes and milk for baon. Because of her I loved school and learning itself.

And little did I know, everything she was trying to teach me was starting to rub in. And I was like thinking a stream like she does. Well, maybe, some sort of ways. Growing up I would watch her go in her uniform with her shoulder bag and hit the road to Makati. Maybe that's why I have always pictured myself in the corporate world, her influence in me was quite apparent.

I'd like to believe I can sing some notes because of her genes. Papa, don't get me wrong, you can sing too. She would just give me a hard stare every time I tell her I'd be singing in a school program, or bagging a gold medal in a Kundiman contest back in junior year. It's like impliedly telling me, I know you can nail it so what's the fuss? Yes, that's how she is, never malambing but it's all good.

I remember in my rebelde days in freshman, she and Papa could've been really desperate she sent me on a youth camp one summer weekend. Like there's no other way but divine intervention, she placed high hopes in me that I'd be participative. Well, guess what, I owe it to both of them that they sent me there. It was sort of like a jamming with Jesus with new-found friends.

She would negate about me taking journalism or mass communication in college that's why I ended up an accountant. Gaah. Not that I am complaining. But sort of. Should be destiny. In the same college, I met my now husband Jef. Na on the first time I invited him over to be introduced to the family, I had to text her, Be nice. Like I really know she could seem mataray. But it went well.

That night when Jef and I broke the news about Zachary, and our future plans, she was her stern self but I knew she knew exactly how I was feeling. She was in the same shoes before. She would pick on me now whenever she finds fault in how I take care of Zachary. She's painfully particular my ears were hurting at times. But the competitive person that I am, I would always take everything as a challenge, swear to do better next time. Well, that's how she's to me: a hard-core motivator. I am just so thankful she loves Zachary so much, he does love Mama too. 

Mama and I, we're both tear jerks. We would cry over palabas sa tv when Sai, Kevin and Papa felt numb about it. But we're the type who never went particular about our emotions, not vocal unless puno na ang salop. Haha! But that's the way we are e. And it's all good.

I wouldn't know if you'd come across this entry Ma, but for God's sake, I was cautious with my grammar ha! Hahaha!

To all the moms, Happy Mother's Day. To my uncharacteristically wonderful Mama, you ought to know that I love you big time!

When the gummy bears turn evil

via The Fancy

Just how cuddly they all seem to appear. Everyone and everything has got to have their other side, like inevitably. By other side I mean, the bad side.

I was quite feeling jumpy about yesterday's festivities. Kevin's 17th birthday and our 1st year wedding anniversary. I was all positive vibes, feeling so much blessed. It has always been uplifting for me every time I hear mass. I brought Zachary with me since Jef was out for work. Just like how Fr. Peter's homily went, with prayers come grace. And I heard myself murmur a heartfelt prayer for our family, our marriage and everyday providence, banged by a huge amen to close it. I saw Zachary throw me an inquisitive glance.

Dinner got us full. The Savory chicken really closed the deal. Very tasty! Should be a staple for family dinner na! Zachary could only munch on a bit of bacon, ham and cheese pizza, more of the crust though. But nonetheless I saw him munching with joy like it's the most delicious treat in the whole, wide world. And, and, how can I forget. Double dutch ice cream was a welcome addition! My baby boy's taste buds were introduced to the dessert's tingly feel.

I see Zachary's eyes going googly. I had to put him to sleep. And there he was, rolling over every pillow there was to find his most comfortable position , holding his milk bottle as if somebody's going to grab it away from him.

That was the time I hit the net. And barely an hour, sleep was trying to knock me down. It's just that I felt so full, I thought I couldn't sleep just yet. A glass of soda did not help either. Made me feel even more jumpy. But I had to force it down. I had to hibernate. It was eleven. And Zachary could be awake anytime between 2 or 3 in the wee morning, I should have the energy to attend to him. I thought to myself.

Coming to office today, I ought to be feeling good. I was actually. I walked Zachary early morning, bonded with my son in breakfast. I thought everything was nice.

I was feeling gazillion of good vibes until an unnecessary comment.

Well, yes, so what?

Doesn't mean that if I opt to share you things about personal matters you can bust me with your lame ideas. Doesn't have to mean that if I was all out venting the other time I cannot go tamely-sweety now. Like excuse me! Maybe you have yet to know me, like really KNOW me.

I could tear someone down with the crisps of my words, but I can be hushed down if I get what I really want. Oh yes, like a brat. So what?

Indeed, gummy bears can turn to evil. Like how you seem to me, surprisingly.          

366 days and counting.

Yes, right about this time last year, I became Mrs. Jeffrey Adap.

I was so preoccupied before and after the wedding. It was sure quite a rush going through every little detail of our sun-shiny, vibrant special day. Looking at each photo brought me goosebumps. How time really flies.Every not-so-good moments suddenly went flying out the window.

You got to believe that I was still back at the bake shop picking up our wedding cake! Yes, ako ang kumuha! Hahaha! But I was really happy seeing things falling to their places as they should, as I wanted when I got back. Then suddenly I was giddy. I remember posting a status over Facebook which went like: Crunch time. Well, it really was crunch time!

 

Sila ang nauna make-up-an. At ang bride talaga ang nahuli! They are my favorite girls: My sister Sai and cousin Aira. It's nice to have them as part of the entourage. At hindi naman di ako makapapayag na hindi sila kasama!

Yes, that's me, a year back. I got to say, the flowers were photogenic. Kasi in real life, they did not look vibrant as it did in this picture. Thank you to our wonderful make up artist, THE TA ROY! I owe you this pink lipstick!

This is a picture with my inaanak Luke. Too bad you did not bring your barong with you. You could've walked down the isle with ninang! You're too cute for words.

I looove this shot. My super kulit brother Kevin having the laugh of his laugh here with Mama. Na take note, bigat na bigat sa false lashes niya!

Eto na ang tandem namin ni Kevin that will beat all other tandems there is! We are the coolest of siblings! We both got brains & swag! Hahaha. Yabang mode lang. Turo ni Kevin.

Us girls. Hay, all yellow like I love it. Paborito ko talaga ang pic na to. I think everything matched here. Even the sofa! 

   

Yes, I was so happy to have Mama beside me that day. Aba, kahit lagi kami kontrapelo nyan, siguro nga all she ever wanted is the best for me. Like how I am kay Zachary now. Thanks Ma. Now I know. Hehehe. 

Yey, I remember sabi ni Papa na ang ganda ko daw when he saw me on my wedding gown. Buti na lang hindi ako naiyak, hay naku. Being innately iyakin at hormone-driven din. Haaay! Looking at it, ang saya lang. Ayy, Ma, I have to commend you. Nag-heels ka, at plunging ang likod ng damit mo! Namen!

Sa bridal car with my maid of honor Sai. Shaking off all the jitters as fast as I could since super lapit lang naman ng church sa bahay!

So this extra candid moment was brought about by, I don't even remember. Hehehe! But the good thing is we were laughing together. Nice lang.

The epic You may kiss the bride moment. Aww. 

Thank you Fr. Max for being there all the way from Greenhills. And for always making yourself available whenever I need some realistic payo! 

And here we are, Mr & Mrs. Jeffrey Adap. Indeed, we are just starting out. All the troubles we've been into in our first year could be just initiation towards family life. But as long us both Jef and I fight for our relationship and this family, we'd probably go swiftly to our fiftieth year. Or even longer for that matter. 

Happy 1st year anniversary Beb!

I love you so much. 

Yes, I want to be one.

Of the many other things I wanted to become, the thought of being a ninja never fails to tickle my senses. Like seriously.

I am no martial artist. I waive off anything that has to do with that. I cannot be in a combat, so as my presence of mind. I rattle. Stutter badly. I don't like anything physical. Or anything that would probably shove me off.

Despite that, I'd like to think I have Ninjutsu, with emphasis on survival skills.

My world's been quite a buzz since last year and there were times I just wanted to beg the universe to pause for a while just so I can keep up. Marital woes, my son's acquired asthma, my own share of asthma, being burn out at work, in-laws, yes, you heard me, and some other crap I happen to bump into along the way. Them times I just want to turn into my own ninja and spell out some shadow bind jutsu.

Giving birth was probably the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. Being a mom made me realize a lot of things. First, I can take a cut, then the stitches and finally the aftermath of it all, motherhood in its most deceiving sense. I'd like to think I am doing fairly well in this new role. I know I have lapses and miscues, but at the end of the day, all I ever really wanted is for Zachary's best interest. Be that I sounded borderline blunt and acted nerve-wrackingly bratty. Like a ninja protecting territory, all geared up with her kunai and shuriken, I can come against life's combat poker-faced. 

I may lack physical power like that of a ninja, but I'd like to think I bear their intellect. Like a master tactician, their every move is well-thought of, going through it's pro's and con's before engaging to action. And like how I overly analyze things, yes I know that doesn't sound good all the time, it should always be nice to weigh things before acting into them, cautiously effective in all sense.

And like how superpowers were seemingly associated with ninjas, I wish to be there every time for my loved ones. I'd like to be the most able kunoichi there is to battle things out for them or maybe just to plainly ensure them being sound all the days of their lives.

I could be some cranked up ninja like Naruto, but like him, I will always have a heart willing to square it all out when everything else fails.

Road Block

Tiring, excruciating. Like all the adjectives that would mean nakakapagod, that's how it felt the past week. And I did not mean to sound melodramatic, with all the emotional roller coaster there was. 

But I guess this is the most effective means for me. Speaking my mind out, a massive shout out to the universe that, crap, all I ever really wanted is that for some other forces to not cross the line! And that goes out to both people and things of which I despise them having something to do with my sort of being emotionally-drained.

Not that I am putting blame on you. It's just that I want you to mind your own business.I see me pinpointing particulars now. Like a clear picture in my mind. Maybe it will take some more ample time before I get over the idea. Some more.

Cryptic, yeah?

My Sunbeam, Zachary!

After all the havoc there was all I ever wanted lang naman talaga is to be with Zachary. You see, after giving birth to him eight months back, there's this sense of inseparability coming into play e. Siguro ganun talaga kapag mommy na. There's this attachment with your off springs. At talagang offsprings. Hahaha.

And today, Zachary is celebrating his eighth month! Wooohooo! Alam ko anak, magpapaulan ka na naman ng laway. Ready nako mabasa! Haha. I know na with you growing up, your pagkamakulit will raise a notch too. OW-EM. Much to my dismay. Mas magiging super, duper, uber likot ka pa. Pero ganun naman yata talaga ang mga baby boys. Galawgaw at mahaharot. Don't you worry baby love, no matter how kulit you get, Mommy will always try to keep up with you. Wag nyo lang ako pagtulungan ng daddy mo ha! Baka I'll end up crying! That should be the scenario when you're up with the boys. Wrestling mode. Parang ayoko sumali. Ang lalapad ng katawan nyo e! Hahaha.

Basta, whatever it is that we are going through now, we'll be putting your welfare above all else. Happy birthday, my love!

See you later.:)